I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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