Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
