thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize