I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize