Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize