Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
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I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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