Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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