It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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