On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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