drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize