party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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