I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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