Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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