i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize