tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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