You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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