My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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