What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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