I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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