I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize