We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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