she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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