I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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