all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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