I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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