i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize