another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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