I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my poor anus
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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