I cannot find my penis.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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