She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize