I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize