Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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