That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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