if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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