I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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