He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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