Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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