the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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