I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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