yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
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hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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