Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize