..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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