My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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