someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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