Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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