So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize