Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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