I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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