so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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