OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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