Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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