i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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