I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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